It’s you or nobody.


While I wouldn’t go so far as to say that apathy is one of the great obstructions to a good marriage, I would say there is a close relative to apathy that might qualify. Yet, I don’t have a way to wrap it up so snugly in a single word. Apathy is part of it, laziness is there too, and maybe even fear but whatever we call it we must address it.

Unless you are willing to concede that nothing will work, unless you do, you will find yourself waiting for your wife to do something she hasn’t been able to do to this date. Now, of course I am speaking to men in marriages that are not working. I am not saying that all women don’t know what to do. Many husbands and wives work very hard everyday on their marriage and have the results to show for it.

But if your marriage is in trouble, if it is broken, then you have to do be willing to be the one to make a change or be willing to lose your marriage. It cannot be conditioned on whether or not your wife does it too. It is only conditioned on whether you want any hope of restoring your marriage. If you accept the fact that things aren’t working now, and you accept the fact that your wife by herself has not been able to do it, then that leaves you. Unless you do the work, without demands, without conditions, there will be no saving it.

Make a decision to be the man you are capable of being. Make the only decision that gives you hope. Make the decision to do the work. Make the decision to have a great marriage.

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3 Responses to It’s you or nobody.

  1. eatingthrough says:

    I hope there are some men wise enough to read and absorb what you’re saying here!

  2. Des says:

    Great point. Waiting around for someone else to change will have you waiting a long time.

  3. Sandra says:

    Great advice, and not just for men, but for women too.

    My parents have been enjoying a really good, could-be-one-of-the-greats marriage for over 40 years. They still go on dates and hold hands all the time. It was obvious to us kids growing up that as much as they loved and cared for us, they put their marriage and union first. Putting us second was the best thing they ever did for us as their children.

    One evening last year, during a somewhat unguarded moment, my Mother told me that it had not always been easy, but no one had guaranteed her that when they had married. She also said that every single day it was a *choice* to love my Dad. And that some days it was harder than others to make that choice, but once the choice is made, every day, then the path through that becomes clearer.

    Love the blog :)

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