To be honest, it takes a lot of work.


Begrudgingly I admit to you all that having a good marriage does not take work, it takes a lot of work. To become more selfless and more giving, requires us as humans to overcome some of our most basic attitudes and desires. One could do this only if they believed that what they would receive is of greater value than what they will sacrifice. But what value have you established and ascribed to a great marriage in your own mind? Do you really believe that there is a great value and great return in a healthy marriage?

Once you have determined that there is in fact a great value in this, by definition you can understand that there will be great costs to achieve it. Some time ago, J. Allen pointed out, “He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would accomplish much must sacrifice much.” That is true of everything in life. To accomplish anything possessing great worth, there will be a high price to be paid.

In marriage, the price for greatness is overcoming our own selfish nature. But as I wrote about in a previous post, (Be selfish. It can really help.), one of the best ways to get what you really desire, is to give of yourself first. So what I am saying is, you have to overcome your selfishness by being selfish enough to want a great marriage and to receive the value it brings. Thus empowering yourself to put your wife’s needs, desires, wants and so much more, before your own. Which will bring you all that you desire as well. (Did I leave you all more confused than before I began?)

I really want to help you all establish in your 0wn minds the value of a great marriage. I hope to do that in future posts. In doing so, I am confident that you will see the benefits truly outweigh the price that must be paid to attain it.

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One Response to To be honest, it takes a lot of work.

  1. Mueller & Tribbett says:

    Thought you mind find this useful…

    This is an excerpt from a book by John Ensor entitled “Matters of the Heart” The book is full of insightful thoughts but this analogy is a gem and I’ve found it very helpful when trying to better understand biblical manhood and womanhood.

    In the Winter Olympics, figure skating events are the hottest ticket
    in town. Pairs figure skating has occasionally been the highest rated
    event among viewers. At its best, it displays the strength
    and beauty, the power and grace, of true unity. The gold medal is
    awarded to the couple who has most mastered the skills of male
    leadership and female support.
    He leads her onto the ice and initiates each part of their routine.
    She receives that leadership and trusts in his strength. His
    raw physical strength is more on display than hers; he does all
    the lifting, twirling, and catching. She complements his strength
    with her own—a more diminutive and more attractive strength
    of beauty, grace, speed, and balance. His focus as the head, or
    leader, is to magnifying her skills. Her focus is on following his
    lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes
    responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership
    and delights in it.
    If he makes a mistake, she pays the larger physical price while
    he pays the larger emotional price. She falls, but he fails! So he has
    to learn to initiate and risk. She has to help him understand her
    moves and to endure his learning curve.
    They do not fight for equality on the ice; they possess it as a
    given. Each has a role to play and they are not jostling or fighting
    about fairness. They are after something far more rewarding. No
    one yells, “Oppressor!” as he leads her around the arena, lifting
    her up and catapulting her into a triple spin. No one thinks she is
    belittled as she takes her lead from him, skating backward to his
    forward. No one calls for them to be egalitarian: “She should get
    to throw him into a triple Lutz half the time!” They complement
    each other in their complementarian approach to becoming one
    majestic and powerful whole. No one, least of all he, minds that
    the roses and teddy bears, thrown onto the ice when they have collapsed
    into each others arms at the end, are for her. It is his joy.
    This appears to me to be a visible model of what male leadership
    and female support are all about. This is what it looks like as
    it is worked out. It is an art form, not a mandate. It is a disposition,
    not a set of rules. When it is done well, it is a welcome sight
    in which both partners are fulfilled in themselves and delighted in
    the other.
    Olympic skaters would be the first to agree that this takes grit,
    practice, and patience. They trade in the currency of bruises, cuts,
    twisted ankles, and sore shoulders. But what they are purchasing
    is a unity of movement that they both fittingly rejoice in.

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