Over time it is so easy to take our wives for granted. For many of us it is not a sign of any love lost or a lack of interest. It is merely a reflection of busy lives, pressing issues at work or just plain laziness. For some of you it may actually be that you have ignored your relationship all together and it has been all but destroyed. Regardless of how we get to this point we really can turn it around and heal the damage we have done.
One area where this deterioration is so plainly evident is when we compare our relationship with our wives to our relationships with our kids. For most of us when a baby arrives we fall in love all over again. The baby becomes our primary focus. We give our children our attention, our love, and most of all our time. At the end of a long work day we are often exhausted and have given the best of us to our customers, employees, bosses, and coworkers and have very little left for those who mean the most to us – our family. But ironically, we usually can muster some of the good stuff for our kids while having nothing for our wives. This is unacceptable. You cannot possibly hope for a strong family, a good marriage, and well behaved kids if it doesn’t start with your relationship with your wife.
While it so easy for many of us to choose our kids over our spouses it is truly one of the most damaging things we can do to our wives. It is rarely a conscious choice but rather a slippery slope we start by kissing our children hello at the end of the day before we stop and focus on their mother. When you come home, from anywhere, before you do anything else, seek out your wife, grab hold of her, hug her, kiss her, look her in the eyes and tell her you love her. If you can, make sure the kids see this as often as possible. There is nothing you can do more loving to your kids than to love their mother. If you have been divorced and are remarried it is just as important. Let your kids, your stepchildren, her kids and anyone else see that you choose her first, above all others. This not only establishes her priority in your life and gives her a sense of safety and comfort, almost as importantly it teaches your sons how to love a woman and your daughters what to expect from the man she loves. Be an example for your children to follow.
Each day find ways to choose your wife before your kids. There are so many times in a day that we have to meet the needs of our children because they are dependent on us. Make a commitment to focus on your wife and CHOOSE her. Above everyone else. You married her and committed your life to her. Keep your commitment and watch her flourish. Watch you kids flourish. Give your family the stability of knowing that there is a structure and hierarchy and that their mom is at the top of it. Give your wife the best of who you are – not what is left when you have poured it out to everyone else. When you choose her you might just GET LUCKY and watch her choose you all over again.