Why is that men have such a hard time saying, “I’m sorry”. Do we think it makes us look weak? Do we think it somehow takes away from our image? I don’t think it is any of these things. I think it is nothing more than false pride. What do I mean by FALSE PRIDE? Well, I don’t think there is anything wrong with pride itself. Don’t we all try to teach pride to our kids by praising them for a job well done? Don’t we encourage our team mates with a high five or a pump for a great hit or a great tackle? Of course we do. They earned it, we acknowledge it and it gives them a sense of pride. There is nothing wrong with pride. We need to feel good about the things we do great. It builds our self image. It makes us stronger. The women we love want a strong man. They want a confident protector even.
So it is not having a strong self image or personal pride that hurts our sweetheart. It is when that pride gets in the way of us being honest. When we fail to acknowledge our faults, it does not keep our pride intact, it actually builds a wall between ourselves and the woman we love. As we build that wall taller and taller we cannot reach out and touch that beautiful princess we fell in love with. If anything gets in the way of you touching the woman you love, physically or metaphorically, you are killing her. It is a gradual and slippery slope that will take away her confidence, her trust, her strength, her beauty, and I don’t mean any hyperbole but even her very life.
So when you speak unkindly, when you break a promise, when you come home late, when you forget a special day, apologize. That’s right! Take her in your arms, if she will let you, if not, sit with her and say that you are sorry. Tell her specifically what you are sorry for. There is nothing more insulting than an insincere apology. Be humble. Speak softly. BE A MAN.
Well, that was the starter lesson. That is the minimum that she should be able to count on you for. How much effort is it really to apologize for something that you can clearly see has hurt her. But being the night in shining armor that she dreamed of takes so much more. You have to demonstrate that she is special to you. That you are always thinking about her. That you are pondering your relationship throughout your day, even while you are away from her.
Everyday I spend some time reflecting on how I treat Janine. I think about the things I have said. I think about the things I have done. I question whether I have done anything that could have been hurtful. No matter how small it may seem. And being a man, I have yet to find a day that there isn’t some small thing I could have done different. Something I could have done better. These are the opportunities I use to show her how important she is to me. Everyday I find something that I can apologize for. For many of you, these may also be the way you practice saying your sorry. For me, it may be that I forgot to kiss her goodbye when I left the house. It could be that I fell asleep when I knew she wanted to talk. It could be that I left my shoes in the family room when we went to bed rather than put them away. It doesn’t matter what it is. These are great opportunities to show her I am aware of what is important to her and that I value her. Everyday I find something I did that was unthoughtful and I say I’m sorry to her. Even more importantly, as I think about these things, I get better at remembering to do them for her everyday. Their is no doubt in her mind that I spend time thinking about what is important to her.
Start today reflecting on your words and actions. Think about what matters most to her. Think about what would make her happy and do it. And when you miss one, say your sorry. Watch how much she appreciates it. Watch how she responds.