Say your sorry

Why is that men have such a hard time saying, “I’m sorry”. Do we think it makes us look weak? Do we think it somehow takes away from our image? I don’t think it is any of these things. I think it is nothing more than false pride. What do I mean by FALSE PRIDE? Well, I don’t think there is anything wrong with pride itself. Don’t we all try to teach pride to our kids by praising them for a job well done? Don’t we encourage our team mates with a high five or a pump for a great hit or a great tackle? Of course we do. They earned it, we acknowledge it and it gives them a sense of pride. There is nothing wrong with pride. We need to feel good about the things we do great. It builds our self image. It makes us stronger. The women we love want a strong man. They want a confident protector even.

So it is not having a strong self image or personal pride that hurts our sweetheart. It is when that pride gets in the way of us being honest. When we fail to acknowledge our faults, it does not keep our pride intact, it actually builds a wall between ourselves and the woman we love. As we build that wall taller and taller we cannot reach out and touch that beautiful princess we fell in love with.  If anything gets in the way of you touching the woman you love, physically or metaphorically, you are killing her. It is a gradual and slippery slope that will take away her confidence, her trust, her strength, her beauty, and I don’t mean any hyperbole but even her very life.

So when you speak unkindly, when you break a promise, when you come home late, when you forget a special day, apologize. That’s right! Take her in your arms, if she will let you, if not, sit with her and say that you are sorry. Tell her specifically what you are sorry for. There is nothing more insulting than an insincere apology. Be humble. Speak softly. BE A MAN.

Well, that was the starter lesson. That is the minimum that she should be able to count on you for. How much effort is it really to apologize for something that you can clearly see has hurt her. But being the night in shining armor that she dreamed of takes so much more. You have to demonstrate that she is special to you. That you are always thinking about her. That you are pondering your relationship throughout your day, even while you are away from her.

Everyday I spend some time reflecting on how I treat Janine. I think about the things I have said. I think about the things I have done. I question whether I have done anything that could have been hurtful. No matter how small it may seem. And being a man, I have yet to find a day that there isn’t some small thing I could have done different. Something I could have done better. These are the opportunities I use to show her how important she is to me. Everyday I find something that I can apologize for. For many of you, these may also be the way you practice saying your sorry. For me, it may be that I forgot to kiss her goodbye when I left the house. It could be that I fell asleep when I knew she wanted to talk. It could be that I left my shoes in the family room when we went to bed rather than put them away. It doesn’t matter what it is. These are great opportunities to show her I am aware of what is important to her and that I value her. Everyday I find something I did that was unthoughtful and I say I’m sorry to her. Even more importantly, as I think about these things, I get better at remembering to do them for her everyday. Their is no doubt in her mind that I spend time thinking about what is important to her.

Start today reflecting on your words and actions. Think about what matters most to her. Think about what would make her happy and do it. And when you miss one, say your sorry. Watch how much she appreciates it. Watch how she responds.


6 Responses to Say your sorry

  1. Scattered Rayn says:

    I am not sure what has urged you to start this blog. I am not even really sure who you are with no profile or “about” to lean on. But I do know that I have enjoyed reading your posts… and not just for the obvious reasons. Much of what you express applies in so many ways to me and my life as well.

    Thank you for writing this… for sharing it … and for offering something to reflect on. I look forward to reading more from you.

    All the best to you and yours,
    scattered rayn

    • kkendall2 says:

      Scattered Rayn,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It means a lot to me. I have so many more things to say in this blog and getting your comment lets me know that it might just help somebody. That is my goal.

      What has urged me to start this blog…’s really quite simple. I am around so many people that are in marriages that are going nowhere, people are hurting, people that have just shut down, and I don’t think it needs to be that way. I am absolutely convinced that much of it is caused by a lack of information. I don’t know a single person who enters a marriage with the thought of anything other than, “this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

      That being said, almost all of those people have no information on how to truly love someone. What it means to be selfless. What it means to adore. What it means to encourage. So few of us have watched it in our own home growing up and therefore don’t have the skills.

      To be clear, I am not a counselor, I am not a therapist, I am not a specialist of any kind in this field. I am just a man that has been blessed with the gift of knowing how to love a woman. I am sure there are many who are much better at it than me. And I am sure that many may say that I am incorrect in my approach. I am okay with all that. What I am is one man, with the desire to see many more men have great relationships with the women they love.

      I am really new at this and not too sure of what I am doing but I will try to add profile info and “about” info as soon as I figure it out. Would you mind telling me how you came upon my blog? I want more people to be able to see it as I add content but don’t really know how to let people know it is here.

      Thank you again for your comment. Feel free to post a question if you ever just need another viewpoint on anything you are going through. It would be my pleasure to help if I could.

      Ken Kendall

  2. Melissa says:

    I think alot of men really need to read this! I think most women wish this could all be true. I love how you love your wife.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hi Melissa,

      It really can be true. I just need more men to check it out and give it a try. Thank you so much for your comment. Tell everyone you know about the blog. I really want to get this information to as many people as possible.

  3. alicia says:

    Mike and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. He is a perfect example of the kind of man you are talking about Ken. He lets me know that I am loved in his words and actions, lets me know the things he appreciates about me and above all there is 100% honesty. The secret is, LADIES, you have to do these things for your husband too! The rewards are endless and it is not that difficult to do. The result is a truely happy marriage, even after 10 years : – ) As a long time friend of ours, I know you are a witness to the love shared by Mike and I. I enjoyed your blog, I am sure you will help many out with your words of wisdom. There are so many out there that need to hear it.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hi Alicia,

      Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You bring up a great point. Although this blog is really dedicated to men, and helping them be better husbands, it is great for women too. It doesn’t specifically give suggestions to woman on how they can do the same things but the intent is there. Men need just as much love and attention as women but we are all too embarrassed to admit it.

      Keep checking it out and leave any comments you have. I really want all the feedback as possible so I can continue to improve my work.

      Say hi to Mike for me.

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