What is it about us men that we love to be know-it-alls. We know too much to stop and ask for directions, no matter how evident it is that we are lost. Luckily GPS is helping us to avoid being honest in this department. We know to much to listen to our kids when they have insight we don’t have. And worst of all, we know way too much to ever listen to our wives when they carefully, cautiously, skeptically, offer us any wisdom they might have. Oh, no we say! You are not going to fool us men with the truth, knowledge, wisdom and understanding that you have. We are not falling for that one. Come on! How stupid can we be.
But even if you can talk yourself into believing that she really doesn’t know so much about all the various things they really know, you can’t possibly think she doesn’t have the answers you need, and you really do need them, about what she wants from you as a husband. What she needs from you as a husband. What you could do different. What you could do better.
I know that some of you are probably already thinking, or should I say worrying, that if you ask her what she wants and needs from you, you are going to get a list of things so long that you are destined for failure before you even begin. The truth is, many of us have been failing for so long at meeting those needs that the expectations aren’t that high anyways. And nobody knows better than her what she needs from you.
Even before you take the risk of asking for a new list, you likely already know the short list. She has been telling you for some time. Take a look at the trash can every time you pass it. If it’s full or nearly full, empty it. Right then. Don’t put it off. If you leave clothes around your bedroom, or shoes in another room for her to pick up, or for her to have to ask you to, stop it. Be considerate. If she is irritated because you leave the toilet seat up, stop doing it. There is no excuse for this. It is only being done because you don’t care enough to make her desires a priority to you. For each of you there is a list of things you do that irritate your spouse and it is so unnecessary. These little things tear down your relationship. They exhaust your wife. And then we all wonder why they don’t run to meet us when we come home or aren’t excited to do things we want to do.
After you have begun to work on these things, she will notice them and eventually say something. That’s your cue to talk with her. Tell her you are sorry for being so lazy in the past. Tell her that she is important to you and the things that are important to her are important to you. Sit her down and tell her that you want more than anything else to show her how much you love her and that you often don’t know what else you can do. Ask her to take some time to think about the things that you can do for her that will make her life easier. Better. That you want to know what you can do for her that will help her to see how important she is to you and that you are doing this because you want a better relationship. A better marriage. A better friend.
My wife is absolutely the best friend I have ever had. Bar none. She is my friend, my lover, and my confidant. She is my wife. Isn’t that why we got married. To have that one person, above all others that we felt comfortable with, that we could just be with. Being married is the greatest joy of my life and I know it can be that for many of you who have lost that hope.