I have a very good friend that I have known for about 10 years now. Early on in our relationship he told me about a principle that he lives by. He said, “Take right, wrong, good and bad out of every thing you do, and just do what works.” I was so affronted at first, by the thought of not caring about right and wrong that I missed the whole meaning of what he was saying. I think it is that judgmental thing that so many Christians struggle with that hindered me. Having gotten to know him so much better, I now know that he wasn’t advocating anything about ignoring right from wrong. He was actually giving me a new perspective on right and wrong, good and bad.
What he meant by do what works is, that when you do what works, right and wrong take care of themselves. For instance, if you are considering cheating on your wife, instead of thinking about right and wrong, think about does it work for you. You will likely lose your marriage. You will likely be humiliated before your wife, your children, your extended family, your friends and your community. Take right, wrong, good and bad out of it and it just doesn’t work.
Or if you are fighting for your right to be honest with your wife and tell her all the things she does wrong and that you don’t like. Look back at your history and tell me how that is working for you. Has it yielded you the results you were going for. I doubt it. So whether you are right or wrong in what you are saying, it still doesn’t work.
That is great advice for all of us. In every interaction we have with our spouses, do what works. If the things you are doing aren’t giving you the relationship you want with your wife, stop them. Try new ones. Don’t be concerned about if you are doing the right thing. Concern yourself with whether or not it will work. Watch how other men act with their wives. If you see a wife that is happy, strong, content, and thriving, you are probably looking at the wife of a man that is doing what works. Mimic him. Ask him how he loves his wife. What he does for her. Learn from others. So many men have mentors in their professional life but I don’t know one that has a mentor in their role as husband or father.
So change the way you look at things. Do what works.