How do you make her feel?

Carl W. Buechner was quoted saying, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” With one exception this is so true. Unless what you said makes them feel bad. Unless it make them feel stupid, embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed or frightened.

As men,we have this uncanny ability to shoot our mouths off without any consideration to what damage it could do to our wives. This is terrible. And as bad as it is, this is nothing compared to when we say something that is hurtful, or degrading, or condescending with the full intent of our words damaging the ones we love.

For most of us, it is because we are embarrassed by something we did or said and want the attention taken away from ourselves. We attack the woman we love rather than accepting responsibility for our own actions. Than we further disgrace ourselves by doing something else that is horrific. Why? Because of pride. We don’t have the humility that our wife needs. Because of insecurity. We are too insecure to accept and acknowledge our own inadequacies. Stop it. Humble yourself. When you make a mistake. Let it end there. Don’t perpetuate it with more acts of bad behavior.

Getting back to the original quote. The thing that struck me the most was the wisdom about how we can change the lives of the women we love by how we make them feel. Think about how much it would help your wife if you encouraged her rather than discouraged her. Look at where she puts her greatest efforts and compliment her. Build her up. Let her know that you are aware of what she is doing and that you are proud of her. Imagine the strength she will draw from your kindness.

Make her feel safe and secure in your relationship. Don’t be a part of anything that might leave her in doubt of your actions. Give her the confidence of knowing that she is loved. That her husband is living a life that is above reproach. That when you are away she can rest assured that your only thoughts or distractions are her. As she experiences that confidence she can be the best woman she can be rather than a broken worrying wife.

Make her feel beautiful. Tell her she is pretty. Tell her specifically what you see that is beautiful. Her hair, or her eyes, or her smile or all of the above. Tell her the the things you see her do that make her even more beautiful. Her kindness, her gentleness, her compassion, her inner strength. As you study these qualities in your sweetheart, she will become more attractive to you everyday.

Don’t miss the opportunity to change her life. To leave her with a feeling of contentment in every encounter. When you do this she will forget, and forgive the stupid things you do. They all do. They want to see the best in us. Let’s give them the opportunity to forgive us because we try so hard. You will make her feel good. You will leave her with the best feeling about herself. You will have loved. And she will remember it!


12 Responses to How do you make her feel?

  1. axinia says:

    great points, thank you. “To make her feel beautiful” is crucial for every (normal) woman. Beauty is the essence of love, I belive.

    Congratulations on the idea of the blog, I hope many man will read and share same experinces!

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you axina. I have learned that physical appearance is such a small part of the overall beauty of a woman. It is so much more and so much deeper than that. It is their kindness, their compassion, their gentleness and so much more that is their true beauty.

  2. Tymzawstn says:

    Great writing…I did a reply to your comment, not sure if you received it or not.

  3. Ken Kendall says:

    I did, thank you. Thanks for reading.

  4. Wile E. Filipino says:

    What I enjoy about this post is that it’s about the little things. The $.99 things, that when you make them a part of your moment to moment existence they have a very strong impact. There is also an aspect to it that is about mindfulness. Being present to your partner, in my experience, is very important. Simply being there, and speaking the truth about the moment by saying, “wow, you look great,” or even, “I miss you so much,” when you are apart, can make her feel good, but also puts you in a state of increased awareness of your own feelings. And that’s always a good place to be.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      You are so right. Being present is half the battle. Men really seem to check out so much of the time. Simply being present can change the whole future of their relationship.

  5. Sajib says:

    I really don’t care how she looks like. To me, my sweetie is the world’s most beautiful woman and the superb creation of God’s own hands. Believe me I mean it, I’m not just saying. I never met her in person yet, but whenever I look at her pictures on my mobile phone, I feel like I’m watching an angel. I feel like she is a piece of the Moon fallen into the world. And I’m lucky that I got her.

    Please pray for us so that we can spend our lives together.

    Expecting your visits and comments on where we both write.

  6. Liisa says:

    Hi Ken,
    I was in the mountains on my first attempt to comment on this posting, it didn’t go through. At first I thought you were my brother Ken, who also has a wife named Jeannine–synchronicity at its finest.

    I deeply appreciate you writing about these topics! I feel it is important for men, and women, to see the male perspective. I understand you don’t speak for all men, however I truly appreciate your perspective!

    I have bookmarked your page and will return often to learn more from the male perspective!

    Brightest Blessings to you and your wife,

    I have a new posting on Love you may want to read. It is at

    • Ken Kendall says:

      I thoroughly enjoyed your post on love. You are correct about the journey and our Creator. It made me think of the verse, “All things work together for good for those who love Him.” I don’t know if I got the quote exactly right but the idea is there.

      Please keep coming back. I will do the same.

  7. Hi Ken,
    Wow! I wish this post could be posted in every home in America. It’s good to get a male perspective on something I’ve seen in frieds husbands or boyfriends over the years. Being present and being aware of how we all impact each other with our words will make the world a lot nicer place to be.

    Thanks for this blog!

    • Ken Kendall says:

      You are so right. And it take so little effort to effect others around us. A kind word, a thoughtful deed, not much at all.

      Thank you so much for reading and your comments. I hope to see you here often

  8. Cindy Holman says:

    Totally Agree! My husband is just like this 🙂 I’m very lucky 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: