I am always suspect of people that tell me about their great relationships because both partners do 50% of the work or give 50% of the effort. I have found that when someone wants to make sure that people know that they are giving 50% to a relationship, they are the same people that want to make sure that the other person is doing 50% as well. It’s rather selfish. It is just another way of saying that I don’t want to have to do more than my fair share.
I have found that if I take responsibility for my own actions in a relationship than it will already be the best it can be. If I give 100% of my effort towards making it great, than I have done all I can. It doesn’t guarantee that the other person will do the same but it sure makes for the best possible situation to allow that to be. When I do this it gives my wife the safest environment to give all that she is and all that she can.
One thing to remember is that you cannot give with the expectation of receiving. Sure, we all hope that others will do for us as we try to do our best for them, but if you give with the expectation of receiving equal or better return, you will often be disappointed. Especially in your marriage, give freely without expectation. It is not about doing this so that you can change your spouse, it is about doing the right thing because it is right. Doing the right thing is always about you.
In your marriage, give 100% all the time. There will be times you are tired. There will be times that you are hurt. There will be times that you have very little to give. But give the best of what you have in that moment.
Trust that when you give your best your needs will be met. When you find that you need some help, when you need to be taken care of, tell your wife. She is not a mind-reader. Sometimes you will have to let it be known. Sometimes they will miss your signals. I remember a great saying about how women should tell their husbands what they need instead of expecting them to know, “Men read newspapers, not minds.” While I think women are a little better skilled at knowing what we need, sometimes they just need us to tell them as well.
From now on, don’t give your fair share. Give it all. Pour yourself out for her. Give her the best of who you are. Give 100% of what you have.