Judge yourself


How do you know if what you are doing is really working? Is it really meeting your goals? Is it making a difference in your relationship?

It would be very easy to judge this incorrectly. If you are basing the success of what you are doing each day to show your wife how much you love her by her reaction, you may be missing the boat. Remember, your goal has got to be to change the way you love her, not to change her and the way she loves you. You cannot judge your success by what she does in return for you.

You have to measure your success by how well you are doing what you set out to do. Have you changed? Have you done a better job at showing her you love her? Have you began to show her that she is important to you? Have you encouraged her? Have you shown her you are committed to her?

If the answer to all these questions is yes, than you have succeeded. You have changed yourself. You have become a better man. You have become a better husband. That is the goal.

Take some time to write out the things that you want to do differently going forward. Be specific. List the individual acts of love that you will do. Tell her you love her. Be more affectionate. Apologize for your mistakes and things you do that hurt her. Help her with the kids. Whatever they are write them down.

Look at your list regularly. Add new things that you can do. Watch for signs from her for things she needs and values. As you review your list, reflect on how you are doing. Judge your success on your efforts and accomplishments towards this list. Not by how she has changed since you started. If you will focus on your own success, and not her reaction to your efforts, she will begin to change as well, on her own. But don’t let that be your goal. It is enough to work on ourselves without trying to fix anyone else.

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2 Responses to Judge yourself

  1. Cindy Holman says:

    Great idea! Love the “list” thing 🙂 Good job, Ken.

  2. Ken Kendall says:

    Thank you Cindy. I hope all is well with you.

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