It takes work, day after day.


One of the hardest things about truly loving your wife is that you have to do it everyday, day after day. While everything we do for our wives is kind of like a deposit we make in our love account, if we don’t keep making deposits, we spend some of it, it dwindles and loses its effect.

Zig Ziglar was quoted saying, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, either does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

It’s the same with working on our relationships with our wives. We have to do it daily. We have to recommit each morning to living in a way that will show our wives we love them. We have to be kind to them. We have to listen to them. We have to work diligently on meeting their needs.

We cannot get lazy. We can’t think that we don’t have to tell them we love them today. We just said it yesterday. We can’t say we are too tired to spend time with them. We spent time with them yesterday.

It is about making a life commitment. It is about staying true to the commitment we made when we asked them to marry us. Although it is a constant and never ending effort, it is not drudgery. The things that have the most value take great effort. They take work. This is an opportunity you have to make your marriage great. It is your opportunity to be a great husband. Do it everyday.

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12 Responses to It takes work, day after day.

  1. anissastein says:

    I think this is an increasingly missing ingredient for some. It does take work. It may not always be sunshine and love. At times, it might take extra effort. To do so shows your love to the other “in good times and in bad”.

    I would love to tell a story about this very same thing that happened recently, but I think it might still be too raw. But in a nutshell, you hit the nail on the head with this topic for me.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Your right. I think to many people when they say for better or worse, they mean as long as it really doesn’t get any worse. We live in a world that expects instant gratification and that is not what great relationships are based on.

      I hope you come back and share your story soon. I would love to hear about it.

  2. Karen says:

    Very well stated. My husband lets me know everyday that he loves be in what he does and what he says. I also let him know. I cannot imagine not reaffirming our love and respect for each other on a daily basis.

    Thank you for this lovely post.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you Karen. Although I focus so much here on what the man should do in a relationship, it does not minimize or negate that great relationships are the ones where both of us do the work everyday.

      You and your husband are to be commended. And those that are witness to that kind of a relationship are blessed as well.

  3. lifewithoutinstructions says:

    you are so very correct, humans love banks deplete on a daily basis. Smart hubbie R U!!!!! Blessings! Maria

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thanks Maria.

      I don’t think of myself so much as a smart hubbie as I do a committed one. I think the best hubbies and wifies are the ones that just show up everyday with intent. Great relationships seem to be more a result of COMMITTED perseverance than anything else.

  4. advthirdculture says:

    Thanks for your post on my blog!
    I’ve read a few of your entries!
    Very insightful~
    I agree, relationships and marriage take hard work, and a lot of it, and constantly, till forever.
    But the heartbreaking thing is that sometimes, one person drops out along the way. And its hurtful to the other one who is still chugging along, wiping sweat, tears, and blood from their brow. Only to find and empty room, and your partner has long checked out.

    I definitely agree 100% on the hard work. But I think the tougher challenge is finding someone who is also willing to put in the hard work and fight it through, defending our relationship no matter how hard the battle gets.

    🙂
    (I also just came out of a relationship that way, so perhaps I’m a bit.. more somber. We were about to get married. And I realized that he had checked out a few months before. And ended up cheating on me. I thought it was just bumps on the road that we needed to work through. But he had dusted off his shoes and walked out of the relationship already….)

    • Ken Kendall says:

      I totally understand. One of my struggles with writing this blog is how to answer the people who ask, “What if I do all this, and there is no response or change in my wife or relationship.”

      What I have found in my own experience is that even if there is no change by your spouse, you will be better for having given 100%. I mean that literally. You will be blessed in many other ways for the work you have done.

      Does that help? Do you think that would help someone else going through the same thing you are describing but already in a marriage?

      • Jim says:

        Ken-
        You hit on something there. The “what if I do all this and there is no change in the relationship” is a fear of the future not a reality. It also speaks to the fact what you have done in the past is not working, so what do you have to lose? If giving of yourself selflessly or “focused attention” becomes the reality, your relationship will be given nourishment (can only help) and you will be consciously acting to create a loving reality in the future. If your spouse does not respond there are likely bigger issues. Yet by continuing to act lovingly at the least you will have removed impediments that would only be in the way of solving the bigger issues and let her know through consistent actions that you want to work things out. Learning to let go of fears and trust by acting as a MAN (as you say) that only good can come of it is key.

  5. ramanan50 says:

    You are Right wholly.When some one consciously tries to live up to commitment,it becomes a ritual.True love, as I understand it, does not expect others to keep on confirming it.Over a period of time this becomes a litany with out soul.Rather, we start becoming ourselves, with our own warts and accept the partner with their short comings , that is Love,I presume.Probably, my observations have a lot to do with our background and culture, wherein we have not been expressive about our emotions.But we do love our kin in our own way without being expressive.Yeah, we do have our tiffs;if you watch them, you would be expecting us to rush to court for Divorce, but next second, we continue as if nothing has happened.May be we have been conditioned to accept things as they are without trying to work on it.But it is paying dividends in a steady, solid Family life.Again,once children come along, we devote more time on kids rather than spouse(men and women).
    Digressed a lot- am I?Long and short of it, I agree with you;better if it does not become a ritual.
    Disclaimer?! -I do not speak on behalf of all Indians; it is the experience of an Old mustached Pete!

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you Mustached Man.

      I appreciate your authenticity. I think you are right that we have to be careful with the rituals but sometimes even those keep us on the straight and narrow.

      Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am having a hard time keeping up. I hope you will continue to keep reading and sharing your thoughts.

  6. ramanan50 says:

    Hi,
    Thank you.As you would have noticed from my photograph, I have no mush.( I started getting it so late, by the time it came on, it was gray!)
    What I meant was most of the times rituals become so automatic that the original concept is lost, whether it be relationships or Religion.
    Another thing that struck me in your writing is that West has family values.We are fed on a diet of divorces, single parent,leaving parents in old age homes and leaving children to fend themselves, placing self interest first.Thank you for giving the other side of the West.

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