Are you one of the lucky ones?


Why do people say that you are lucky if you married a good wife? I don’t think luck has much to do with it. I am not even convinced that you have to marry a great woman to have a great wife. That takes too much of the responsibility off our own shoulders for what we do as husbands.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” I love this quote because it gives me hope. Yes it puts the responsibility on me for the future of my marriage but I would much rather have the option of effecting my marriage in a positive way than have to rely on luck. To believe that luck is my hope, is to believe that I cannot change anything in my future.

Believe me when I tell you, I know that I do not have the ability to control every outcome. As I think I might have said in a previous post, I know there is a God, and I know that I am not Him. I know that God created the amazing world we live in. I know that God created me and the amazing woman that Janine is. But knowing that does not change that everyday I have to choose to be a good man. Everyday I have to do the work to make my marriage great.

Knowing that my actions, my efforts, my commitment to my wife can have the effect of building a great marriage and that encouraging my wife to be great, can change the woman that she is, is enough for me to want to do the work.

Don’t spend another day thinking that you were lucky or unlucky. And definitely don’t look at your friends and think that they were somehow more lucky than you with their wives. Never take your eyes off your own wife and never look at someone’s else wife for comparison. Look at what you do everyday to make your marriage great. Look at what you do to make your wife feel loved. Look at what you do to make your wife see that you are thankful for her and that she chose you.

If you will accept that your actions do have an effect on everyone around you, and that it is your responsibility to effect your marriage positively everyday, than you will see the effects in your wife, your home, your kids and everyone else in your life.

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9 Responses to Are you one of the lucky ones?

  1. piggadilly says:

    it’s true. it is never sheer luck that we are with someone. it has been arranged by unknown forces. that is only the first step. the rest is really up to us to make things work.

    relationships need to be nurtured. i liken it to a fire. after lighting it, we need to stoke it, tend to it, so that it will continue to burn and give warmth. if we leave it alone, it will eventually die out.

    thank you for your insight.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Amen. I missed completely that many have been blessed with great wives and marriages only to let them die for lack of love and attention.

      Thank you

  2. ohthesweetpromise says:

    I really like this post. I have thought of martial relationships form your point of view, but have not expressed it. It is true too foten we fail to take responsibility for the directions our relationships are going in.

    You have to nurture a relationship for it to delevelope and it is so true, you get out what you put in.

    Thanks for the males perspcetive.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you for your comment. If we all take responsibility for our relationships they can be great. While I write specifically to men, we all know that when a husband and wife both take responsibility the effects will be that much greater.

  3. Zero Tolerance Man says:

    The best luck you can have is to stay single. you will agree with me after you are raped in divorce court!

    • Travis says:

      Many of us have gone through divorce, and yes there is some women who try and get their revenge using this process, but so do guys. I have found that this revenge, is just a need to gain control over something that they feel they have no control over, and courts give them that opportunity. If you feel that much pain from divorce, she was really upset with you. But, in my own process, the more I stopped fighting, the more reasonable she became. You fight, and she will fight.

      It is impossible that you were completely innocent, and that you got divorced solely on her behavior. There is a lot of act and re-act that goes on. At some point she acted from your re-action, blaming you for your mistake, and you blaming her for her mistakes. It doesn’t matter who made the first mistake, at some point nobody wanted to fix it.

      I look at how much effort, whether or not it was correct effort, that is given by women. Sometimes, it’s our own failing to see the early warning signs, and drawing inward and assuming she attacked.

      Guys in general, is where the problem tends start with, and if we realize this and work for forgiveness with her, even if we didn’t do anything major needs to be addressed daily. Or, you kept making it feel like she has a lower self esteem, then yes, you will loose that love and the fighting will get worse.

      Marriage, is about teaching you to become a better person. To learn to keep promises and covenants, by practicing it every day. No person can reach their potential without learning to do those things for someone else.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hey Zero,

      I know that there are some women out there that have anything but the best intentions. And I know that there are women that when they feel they have been hurt, will hit back with all they can.

      But that doesn’t differentiate them from men. You must also know many men who hide their assets from their wives in divorce court being just as unfair.

      I don’t want to get lost in the ideas of who is better or worse in a divorce. I want everyone to have better marriages.

      Whatever you have been through, I am sure that if you met a kind, generous, compassionate, loving and caring woman, you would be blessed to have her for your wife.

      Here’s to you and better hopes and dreams. I will pray for you and your future. I have no doubt that you are just like me and want to love and be loved and you deserve just as much as anyone else.

      God Bless you Zero. I am so glad you took the time to check out the blog. Come back often and keep sharing your thoughts.

  4. Great blog Ken…thanks for sharing. Most men won’t touch subject matter like this with a ten foot pole…let alone blog about it.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you Ferrell. It does seem to offend some and leave others scratching their heads. I appreciate your vote of confidence and hope you will be back often and share your thoughts.

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