Be selfish. It can really help.


I can’t imagine there is one of you out there who would not want to have a great marriage. Yes, I am sure that many of you have lost hope. That you don’t believe there is any chance you could still have the happily-ever-after you sought on the day of your wedding. But if you are willing to be selfish, it’s not too late.

My friend Pat has often told me that if I am greedy enough to want more, than all I have to do is help others get what they want and what I want will come to me. I was thinking about this while writing another post for you. I am always writing about what you have to do to make your marriages great. And it dawned on me that what he said is similar to what I write about.

If you want to have a great marriage, be selfish about it. Don’t let anything stand in your way. Be selfish enough to give your wife everything she needs in a great husband so that you can have a great wife. Accept the fact that you selfishly want a great marriage and that you can have it. All you have to do is meet her needs first.

Don’t accept the notion that your marriage sucks and you can’t do anything about it. I do know that if you are not willing to do what has to be done, you will not have what you want.

I remember an old proverb that went something like, “Chop your own wood and you will be warmed twice.” Obviously, whoever said this was saying that you will be warmed as you do the work of chopping the wood, as well as being warmed by the heat from the fire when burning the wood.

It is the same in working everyday in your marriage. You will find comfort and hope in your marriage as you put forth the effort of loving your wife. But you will again find comfort and hope as your wife loves you back for loving her. Be selfish. Your wife will thank you for it.

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16 Responses to Be selfish. It can really help.

  1. Katch up says:

    Thank you. I’ll take time and go through as much as possible in your blog. Very practical advice.

  2. Cindy Holman says:

    So true – go ahead and be selfish – it has really worked for us 🙂

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hi Cindy,

      It gets harder and harder to keep up with the comments. Sorry it took me so long. Thank you for continuing to read the posts. I really appreciate it. I also love that you and your husband have done the work and are enjoying the fruits of your labor.

      God bless you.

  3. Ken: My beloved and I are not legally allowed to marry, but our commitment is going strong for 13 years now, and at the first chance to marry, we will!!! However, my take on this is that I agree that if couples want a successful and happy marriage or relationship, they need to have it. Period.

    In addition, selfishness to me also means for each individual in the relationship to be self loving, to be the individual person that they most want to be. Often, when we enter into a relationship, the individual aspects of personhood get lost in the shuffle; however, it is those individuals that make up the relationship.

    ANd, if we don’t love ourselves, it is much harder to love and be there for the ones that are important to us.

    Great post, and fresh perspective in an age of so many people giving up on marriage.

    Welcome to the blogging world…… Vanessa

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you so much Vanessa. I really appreciate your thoughts and comments. And I appreciate your taking the time to read my posts.

      I know that it must be hard to feel the love you have for someone and be told that it is illegal to be wed. While I am no great philosopher, I truly understand both sides of the debate on this one.

      It is my prayer that you always know the love of Jesus even when man fails at showing it.

      Keep coming back. I look forward to your perspective.

  4. bridgeout says:

    The investment in love pays the highest dividends! The more I give and love, the more I receive… a beautiful circle of love!

  5. Leah says:

    I completely agree. Being selfish in life is a times the best thing we can do. Great post. 😀

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hi Leah,

      Thanks for continuing to read. It seems a little weird to me to advocate selfishness but it only in the strict guidelines that we can do this.

      I hope to always see you here.

      Thanks again

  6. onlinedatingquest says:

    This is a great blog, lots of wonderful heartfelt advice… I am definitely going to spend more time going over what you have written here… thanks for pointing out your blog to me!

    • Ken Kendall says:

      I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to so many of you. I am so glad you came. I do hope that you are able to spend more time here. Thanks for coming.

  7. Very well said man i could not agree more

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  9. hala says:

    Thoughtful insights but so very,very hard to put into practise. I agree with Vanessa – you have to be at peace with yourslf before you can deal with anybody else. Sometimes we all need to be alone for a time – solitude is hard to find nowadays but oh so necessary to our wellbeing. I just try to pray through the hard times and trust God will guide us through.
    x

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