To be desired


Although this post will tell you more about what women need and want from us as it closes, it gets there by looking at what men want as well. As much as we men want to be strong, confident, and self-sufficient, the truth is we want to be desired. We want to be needed. We want to be loved. We may not admit it to anyone or even be willing to admit it to ourselves, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is true.

Robert Frost said, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” It is true for all of us. Not just women as many of us would like to think.

Knowing this is true allows us to make ourselves more desirable. Sure, we already know the things the world tells us we can do to become more desirable. We can lose weight. We can exercise. We can work out. We can buy fancy clothes and drive fancy cars. But these things only make us desirable to those who don’t know us.

It is who we truly and authentically are that can have the most dramatic impact on our desirability to our wives. It is how we love. It is how treat others. It is how we handle our money. It is how we act when few or none can see us.

Our wives are witnesses everyday to the men we are, or unfortunately the men we are not. They see everything about us, or see that we have things we are hiding from the world, or worse, from them.

But there is hope for all of us to become more desirable.  We can change our actions if we know what our wives desire. We can shape ourselves into that which they most crave. Fortunately, most women want many of the same things. They want a man that can listen without having to fix everything. They want a man that will be affectionate. They want a man that will be patient. They want a man that will stand up for his wife. They want a man that will be a great father. They want a man that will forgive easily. They want a man that will admit to a mistake and say he is sorry. They want a man that will be considerate of her thoughts and feelings.

None of the things they want will cost you a dime. They will only cost you your time, your effort, your commitment. And in return, you will gain what it is that you truly desired all along. To be desired.

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5 Responses to To be desired

  1. Ivy Butler says:

    I have always stressed to my children that the only way to true happiness with another person is finding out the commonality during the dating period. The most important lesson that I have found after the, I Dos, is the neccessity for dating for as long as you are married. The spark was found during dating, and the marriage will be sustained because of dating. My wife and I go dancing every month and we have a blast. I also learned from my mentor that to not focus on what is wrong, but to focus on how you want things to be. It has really made a difference. I also continuously express my gratitude for my wife, and by doing that all I see is the good that is in her and the good that she does. My Heavenly Father will not bless me with more until I am grateful for that which I already have.

    So make a habit of express gratitude, and you will see her doing the same. You then look up and see how beautiful marriage has always been. I have!

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Way to go Ivy.

      You are a great example to men. We have to be willing to be grateful. We have to be willing to date our wives for as long as we live. These are the part of the foundation of a great marriage.

  2. blessanca says:

    Thanks. I hope so too. We’ll see what happens. Anyways your blog is amazing. how do I subscribe?

  3. These are all great things to keep in the back of your mind, but if they are on your mind constantly in a relationship it could be a bad thing. I think Ivy’s comment really paints a better macro picture of how to keep the focus on your relationship without focusing on your relationship. Keep the spark, keep dating, and be grateful.

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