What do good men want?

I have seen quite a few comments and quite a few other blogs talk about how I only address what a woman needs from a man and not what a man needs from a woman. While many of these are very derogatory, I find most of them to be simply ignorant. Not because they are wrong. But because that is what this blog is about. Hence the name What She Needs From You.

But nevertheless, I wanted to address the point directly.

To all of you amazing women that read this blog everyday and comment on your great husbands or lack thereof. Here is my list of what we need from you.

We need you to support us in our work.

We need you to tell us we are handsome, even if we are not.

We need you to kiss us when you see us.

We need you to make us look better in the way we dress. (Maybe not all of us.)

We need you to kindly point out when we are offending someone.

We need you to remind us when we are neglecting you.

We need you to remind us when we are neglecting the kids.

We need you to be affectionate with us.

We need you to desire us.

We need you to brag about us.

We need you to hang up the phone with friends and family and spend time with us.

We need you to want sex. (Even when you don’t want sex.)

We need you to amazed by us.

We need you to stroke our ego.

We need you to think we are smart. Even if no one else does.

We need you to encourage us.

We need you to patient with us.

We need you to surprise us with things.

We need you to care about your physical appearance.

We need you to mother our children.

We need you to point out the little things in life that we often miss.

We need you to remind us there is a God, and we are not Him.

I am sure there are a million other things we need and maybe I will start a new blog someday to better explore and articulate those things. But for now, you have a starter list and I hope all those that thought I didn’t know that we men have needs too, now know that I am aware that this is a two way street. That while I don’t specifically address it on a daily basis, you women have to be willing to work just as hard as we do. And you have to respond to what we do to show you how much we love you.

For those whose intent was to say that a man shouldn’t have to do all the things I write about in this blog, I am so sorry for you. You will never have the amazing gift that is a good wife, until you are willing to be a good husband. Or more to the point, a good man.


15 Responses to What do good men want?

  1. One of my readers posted this on my site. Please read it because it’s how we feel:

    curiepoint // October 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm | Reply

    I reference to his original comment on another thread:

    I love how this guy sees things the way a lot of women who sniper post here and then retreat. That is, our anger is a direct result of our picking bad women, or that we lack the fundamental tools to find and relate to a “good” woman.

    It all misses the point by miles. Ken, the real truth of the matter is:

    We don’t want them.

    I will say it again:

    We.don’t. want.them.

    at all.

    Wise up, Ken…even a woman that you would deem a good one knows that she can do anything her hormone-fuelled brain tells her to do, and get away with it. Do you know what a good woman is? She is the one that does more than say “But I’m not like that!”. She takes an active part in chastising the bitches who made our world what it is today. She makes an open and conscious effort to vote with her feet and denounce all of the so-called progress that the nazis have put in place over the last four decades.

    For starters, she signs the pre-nup with no argument.

    She does these things, and just maybe she will have earned our trust. Until that happens, there is no rapprochement between us.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hey Zero,

      Thanks for continuing to comment. I have been traveling and barely keeping up with new posts and not having enough time to write back to everyone.

      I certainly did not mean to insult you and shouldn’t have said you MUST have been hurt by a lot of women. Whatever your reasons for feeling the way you do,is your reasoning and I am cool with that.

      I have no intention of convincing you or anyone else that women are great. I can only tell you that the woman I am married to is great. She is friggin’ awesome. I can also tell you that in my experience, treating a good woman good, comes back to you ten-fold.

      I will admit to you here that I too was once a card carrying member of the “women haters club”. I had a real difficult experience and was hurt, pissed, and done with the whole thing. Not because of money, pre-nups, or anything along those lines. But nonetheless, time healed me and so did Janine.

      I hope you will continue to read the posts and keep an open mind. My only desire in writing this blog is for every great man that desires a relationship with a great woman, to have a resource with ideas such as these to help.


      • Zero Tolerance Man says:

        Fortunately, I have not been hurt by that many women, but I have carefully observed the behavior of American women over the years and have found them to be demanding and spoiled with a sense of entitlement which borders on insanity. Most are so cheap, it is beyond belief. They expect the man to finance their lives and as soon as they determine he “isn’t doing his job” in that department, they will divorce him and try to take his assets. Also, when women go through menopause, many turn into monsters. they get ugly, fat, and nasty. there is no benefit to a man getting married and plenty of risk. If you wife loves you so much, she would stay with you whether you had the piece of paper or not. Most women will leave because they want a guarantee of money and prizes when things don’t work out!

  2. I have to agree and disagree on this. For me making a relationship of any kind work, whether it’s husband and wife or worker and boss, it’s about making compromises on what each of the other person needs. And that is going to vary with each relationship that you enter. Some men need these things, just like some women need the things that you mentioned earlier. But the fact of the matter is, you can provide those things over and over to someone that is both loving and deserving, but it might not be what is needed to make the relationship work. Like the pre-nup example from Mr. Wise-up, some women will compromise on that aspect of the relationship because there are more important things to value. However, for some women it is a very important issue that they simply won’t be able to see passed. You choose your battles and you decide on the things that are important to you. If you have one of those once in a lifetime relationships, are open with your spouse, and make compromises with her, she will know what you need already. The same can be said for what she needs.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thanks Carter.

      I totally agree that what anyone needs is very personal. I did not mean to insinuate these were indicative of all men. And as far as that goes, I am sure that some women don’t need many of the things I say they do in these posts.

      You hit it on the head when you said those that have lifetime relationships learn to compromise and both seek to give the other what they really need.

  3. Capt. No-Marriage says:

    Marriage is something that outright fails more than half the time and that doesn’t even count the ones that are failures but stay together out of fear or the kids or financial reasons.

    If marriage is a religious thing for you and it’s up there with talking snakes, people turning into salt and other fairy tales then that would at least explain the lack of attention to the facts. Marriage fails more than it succeeds and if you are a successful man, then the risk far outweighs any imagined benefit.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Aye-aye, Captain.

      If I accepted your logic about the failure rate of marriage as a reason to avoid it all together, than I would have to say there is no reason to have America or capitalism.

      The failure rate for new businesses is far greater than the failure rate of marriage yet people start them everyday. They risk everything for the hope of great reward. They employ the majority of all Americans. They build great wealth for themselves and so many others.

      I really appreciate your comments and hope you continue to keep reading.

      That is how great marriages are as well. They build value for the partners and everyone that comes into the family. They create joy and happiness. And often they fail. But the fear of failure is no reason to never try.

  4. Andrea says:

    I’m glad to see that most of the things on your list are things I already do or try to do for my husband. I’m doing my part and he’s (mostly) doing his part. But it’s still sometimes good to have a refresher.

    • Notice how you say you are doing your part and he is “mostly” doing his. That means you are not completely satisfied. Of course most women are never satisfied with their man; it’s never quite good enough. It’s better to stay single. That way we can get rid of you when you start nagging.

      • Capt. No-Marriage says:

        Isn’t amazing ZTM, just because you don’t want any part of an institution that has a 50% failure rate the first time, over 60% the second time you try it and 75% the third time and beyond………..well just because you don’t want that, you “must” hate women.

        If flying had the same failure rate, I wonder if these same people would still encourage flying?

        Those stats don’t even count the marriages that don’t divorce, but the couple just stays together out of fear, “for the kids”, or financial reasons.

        So tell me, do you have this same gambling attitude in Vegas? Do you spend all your money on lotto tickets?

        Where’s the logic?

  5. Ken will have to learn the hard way again. Eventually his wife will start resenting him and will naturally be attracted to the bad boys in town.

    • divinespark1 says:

      Or she might just truly love Ken!!! It’s very easy to become sceptical of…well, everything, when we live in a world in which we have managed to warp our perspectives in parallel to our increasing love of materialism. But it’s far more pleasant to make the choice to maintain hope, love, trust and a heart open to giving our best even if we do not receive the best.

      Hold on now! I know it’s hard and even sounds downright stupid, but who does ‘hate’, mistrust or anger actually benefit? Do you actually feel like a better person for it? Just harbouring bad attitude drains you of resources you could have put to better use.

      We can all agree that SOME men behave like dogs and SOME women act very much like bitches and we all have the freedom to make our own choices. But as for me…I’ll risk marriage, potential hurt & divorce and Still work hard to maintain a tender heart in the midst of the great challenge of loving and joining myself to another person.

      For me it’s a calculated risk which requires that I negotiate with myself first, to determine what I can and cannot live without. Besides, if we all did our due diligence to focus our attention on loving ‘the other person’ we would all be far happier. Who told us that marriage was about ‘what you can give me’?

      So yes, selfishness and egotism are indeed the corrosive characteristics which birth divorce!

  6. Wow, it’s interesting to me how a post that started as something positive generated so many negative responses.

    Marriage can be a wonderful thing. But, I think that it is important to remember that you start out with two very imperfect people, who will never reach perfection in this lifetime.

    The failure rate of marriage, I believe, tells more about individuals than of marriage itself. In our society today, people don’t want to work at something. They want things right away and their way. They have an entitlement theory mindset. It’s not a gender issue either – that’s both men and women.

    Overall, we live in a “me/I” world. Marriage is about two becoming one. That means that the other person has to be more important, or at the very least just as important, than you. And that has to be mutual; not just the mindset of one of the two people.

    People who aren’t willing to do that, and aren’t willing to work at a relationship end up in the failure statistics. I suppose I’m a “glass half full” kind of person because I’m thinking that the so-called failure statistics about marriage also show that 50% of married people have figured these things out and have remained married, working on building each other and their marriage up, rather than tearing it down consistently.

    Just another perspective.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thanks for your perspective Believer.

      I agree. Our society has become infected with the entitlement disease. As a business consultant, one of the concepts that we teach is that you cannot fix entitlement in an employee. They will either be corrected through what the world does with their entitlement or they will be stuck with it forever.

      I too find myself to be more of an optimist. If you will see my comment above, I show that perspective of statistics is very helpful. Specifically how businesses fail more than marriage but without entrepreneurs going into business everyday, America would fail.

      Thanks for your comments. Keep coming back.

  7. You can be an optimist and stay single. You can love your woman and do everything as a single man that you could do married except agree to give away half or more of your assets when the thing fails. Marriage is for poor guys, guys with no game, and the ignorant. Ken, if your wife loves you so much, she would stay with you whether you were married or not. No woman will ever get her hands on my money or assets. I even refuse to pay for most women’s dinner. Women are EQUAL in 2009. they work and earn money and should pay their share of dating expenses. Stupid men have spoiled women and turned them into bitches.

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