I know they’re broken


From some of the comments I have received, it seems that it has been perceived in my writing that I don’t think that women cause as much strife in a marriage as men do, or that I think they are blameless, or are somehow perfect. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am crystal clear that women cause damage in relationships just like men do.

And with the knowledge of my wife’s imperfection, I choose to love her anyway. Just like she does me. One of the best quotes I have ever heard about accepting people with all their faults was coined by Bernard Meltzer. He said, “A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

That is the essence of any good relationship. That is the only way to have a good marriage. Acknowledge that you both are broken. That you both have flaws. That you both are imperfect. Then choose to love your wife even with her imperfections.

Over time, after years of strife and struggles in a marriage, it is easy to only see the problems or cracks as it were. But that is only a result of exhaustion and frustration. That is not all that is left in your marriage. It has just become the focus of the marriage for too many people.

Also, sometimes our perspective has just gotten a little out of focus. Sometimes things that are small and insignificant at first, will somehow become big and monumental. Sometimes the crack on the egg is perceived to be more like a crevice to wide to cross. But if you could remove yourself from the heat of the fire, you might not even think many things are worth all the consternation. I know that for me, it is in some of those less than perfect ways of my wife, that I find her most attractive. It is her idiosyncrasies, that make me laugh and that I can count on.

Make a point of acknowledging the fact that your wife is less than perfect. (Not out loud. Keep that one to yourself.) Than make a decision to look at her for all she is. Not just seeing the cracks in her shell. Once you get your perspective right, you might find that she is a lot closer to having been made over easy, rather than the scrambled you thought you were seeing.

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9 Responses to I know they’re broken

  1. fenomenalwoman says:

    OMG!!! This post is the male version of what is taught in the Fascinating Womanhood book. It has a chapter on accepting that a man has faults. I agree that for a marriage to work two people must accept each other’s faults and focus on the good things, that’s why we get married after all isn’t it?

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thanks Fenom. I am not familiar with this book.

      I do think it is amazing how we are so accepting of mistakes before we get married but are so completely intolerable of them just a short time later.

  2. piggadilly says:

    yes, this is indeed the problem many couples face as their marriage move from year to year. the cracks, at first non-perceivable, soon become as obvious as cracks caused by earthquakes. many begin to forget why they marry their spouse in the first place, what it is that attracted them to their spouse, enough to make them want to marry them.

    it is important that we take a step back and take stock of all and learn to love like we do on that first moment we set eyes on our other half, the reason for us to marry in the first place.

    thank you for the reminder. 🙂

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank Dilly. The funny thing is that I don’t think the cracks get any deeper or wider. I think we just get more critical.

  3. reesielady says:

    Have you ever read the book: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love”
    The things you say make me think of that book and its truly amazing. I live by the choice not to sweat the small things…if something irritates me I’ll breath and say is it really worth all the fuss….usually the answer is no.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Hey there Lady. I haven’t read that yet but coincidentally that is exactly what tomorrows post is about. I hope you will come back and check it out.

  4. You can only take living with a person’s flaws for so long. There has to be some kind of interpersonal compromise on what is acceptable and what isn’t. If it’s that the husband doesn’t put down the seat, that’s minor. If it’s that the husband has a gambling addiction and is spending all of your retirement money, you usually don’t let that one slide. You pick your battles and choose your words. We are all imperfect, as you say, but it’s our strengths together that make the really great relationships even better.

    • Ken Kendall says:

      You are so right Carter. There are cracks and there are CRACKS. Some CRACKS cannot be overlooked nor should they be.

  5. lhegend says:

    True love is… appreciating the flaws whilst loving the perfections.

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