Do it with fervor


One of the things you might have noticed about me, although I don’t know if it comes across in my writing as strongly as it does in person, is that I am passionate about whatever I do.  My marriage is no exception and thus loving my wife is done with the same zest and zeal as every other personal or work endeavor.

As you might have seen in some of the comments that have been received, there are many people who disagree with my ideas, my style, and my suggestions on how men should love their wives. And although I sometimes don’t understand what value they garner from an opinion that seems, at least to me, to devalue another human being, I do in fact welcome and enjoy their involvement and participation. That being said, I have never been one to follow the road more traveled, when truth and historical evidence point me to another path.  I worry much less about those who would discourage me than I ever do about the cost of not doing what I know to be right.

I believe it was Ayn Rand in one of the dialogues in her famous book Fountainhead, that said,

“My dear fellow, who will let you?”

“That’s not the point. The point is, who will stop me?”

That is how you must feel about doing what is good for your wife. What is good for your marriage. You have to have the strength and conviction of a mighty and noble man, to be considerate, caring, affectionate, and kind to the woman you love while maintaining a clear and fortified image of your masculinity.

You cannot do this halfheartedly. It will take the very best of who you are. It will take a focus and determination that no one can stand against. It will take the fullest measure of your passion and your fervor to effect change. But ask yourself, what is of higher value in your life than for your wife to be loved, your kids to be witness to true love, and for your family to be strengthened and confirmed by your honor.

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6 Responses to Do it with fervor

  1. Eleanor says:

    You came to fbomb to ask if your blog seemed sexist.

    I believe it is. Not dangerously so, but in a sense. It doesn’t need to be “How to treat your wife” but “how to be a decent human being” and I find that the majority of your posts are, to be blunt, rather pointless. “Be a good person.” Yes. “Value the people you love.” Yes. These do not apply exclusively to women and are expressed in rather inconsequential terms.

    In highlighting the differences you perceive between men and women, you fail to consider whether these are cultural or inherent concerns. And you also fail to mention exceptions to the rule.

    By generalizing, you are not helping so much as you are perpetuating the idea that all women can be treated in the same way and that you can expect the same results. Nothing (social or mental) should be seen as between genders, even when evidence suggests otherwise, as due to the possible exceptions, it is much more prudent and correct to say “Respect them as a human, listen to what they say, respond reasonably and accordingly.”

    So, your entire blog here can, I think, be summarized as “Be a decent human being,” if you were to remove the “Treat all women x way, because they are different in y way.”

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. As you said, I don’t think we see things all that differently.

      I absolutely agree that the vast majority of everything I write would be applicable to both genders in a marriage, and two any group of people that share a relationship for that matter.

      The reason I write it in this application to men and marriage, is that it has been my experience that a large percentage of men have failed to learn these lessons and find themselves in loveless and/or troubled marriages without any discernible plan for helping the situation.

      I believe that by collecting this group of suggestions in this manner, in one place, specifically for men, it might be easier to find in general, and easier to apply with the examples I give.

      While I agree that there is no single way all women can be treated, I also recognize that the same goes for men, but I can’t imagine any great number of women would be opposed to being adored, appreciated, encouraged, respected and loved as I describe. Am I wrong there?

      If I understand your point as to not seeing any difference between genders, you are saying that any person can be beautiful, any person can be wise, any person can be capable, and I would agree with you. Being all the things that my wife is does not make her a great woman as much as a great person. That aside, she is a woman, and I like that we are different. Is that somehow wrong or offensive?

      I hope you will continue to keep reading and commenting. Today I learned quite a bit about your perspective by reading your comment. And it was the first time I ever understood, if I did, what you were pointing out about not being gender specific. I hope that my response feels as respectful as it is intended, and as thoughtful as it was.

      Ken

  2. uponmyheart says:

    You are truly a man of God and I agree with all you say and can not wait till the day when my husband loves me as you love your wife….you are right to follow the road less traveled and to love as Christ commanded you to….keep up the amazing work and words and witrness to this world! Thank you…

    • Ken Kendall says:

      Thank you for your words of encouragement. I know that my opinions do not resonate with all but I feel strongly that they can help some. I so appreciate everyone’s comments and hope that more people will keep letting me know what they like and don’t like. I think in the discussion, even more value is discovered.

  3. ckb says:

    I agree!! There’s no point to even starting a relationship, especially one as forever as a marriage, if the two of you are not 200% committed to your partner getting everything they need from you.
    You stopped in my last blog, I just started one, sasasanity.wordpress.com- let me know what you think! I’d appreciate a married man’s opinion once in a while!
    Cheers

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