Don’t give up

I would never want to pretend or deceive any of you men who are in marriages that are very difficult by telling you that if you do all the things I have talked about here, then everything will be perfect in your marriage. That is just untrue. Difficult marriages are difficult because of the two people in them together. But the truth is that one is often more culpable for the strife than the other. Although some have said that it takes two to tango, even in dancing there is often one of the two dancers that are better or worse than the other.

That being said, no broken or hurting marriage would not be somehow improved when one of the parties decides to make a positive difference.  When one party makes a commitment to love completely, to appreciate the other for the good they do, to forgive the past errors and move the relationship in a new direction.

When you make a commitment to do these things there will be days that you want to give up. There will be days that you feel completely defeated. There will be days where you can’t help but think that you are wasting your time and it isn’t helping anything. On those days you just have to dig deeper.

I don’t know why I can’t seem to see Ben Stein saying this but I know he did and it so apropos to today’s message. He said, “The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…it is finished when it surrenders.” That truly is the whole of it.

It is so important to love your wife completely. It is so important to encourage her daily. It is so important to appreciate everything she does for you and your family. But none of those will matter if you don’t make the decision right now to see it through till the end. The most important thing you can do to change the future of your marriage and family is to first decide to never give up.


7 Responses to Don’t give up

  1. Kari says:

    So glad you found my blog…yours is SO encouraging. More than just knowing there are men of God out there is one thing…reading one encouraging the rest is truly a blessing. Can’t wait for more!

  2. Ken Kendall says:

    You are so kind Kari. I know there are so many women that want nothing more than a husband that loves them. That cherishes them. That will care for them.

    I really hope that this blog will help many men do that for their wives.

  3. iate59crayons says:

    Wonderful. I love your message. Keep them coming!

  4. Jay Sprout says:

    I agree. Here, here! Amen, brother!

  5. Mueller & Tribbett says:


    Thanks for your comment on our blog. I’m not sure how you found us, but I am grateful for your encouragement. May God continue to bless your efforts as you exhort and encourage men to display the love of Christ for His bride in their relationships with their own brides. Marriage is a such a beautiful picture of Christ’s commitment to His Bride, and it is a necessary work that you do in encouraging brothers to love in this way. I look forward to keeping up on your posts as time allows. 🙂

    Blessings in Christ,

  6. aj says:

    I have a situation, maybe you can offer a suggestion or share your experience.
    My ex-wife was bringing a man into our house five months after we got married, and continued to do so even after I told her I knew, I was even recording and she still brought him in the house.
    We have been divorced now for a year and I have moved out into my own place, what is so bizarre is her outright denial of the affair as if I’m crazy and her almost angelic or saintly behavour afterwards, emailing me with nice things, telling me how much she cares and loves me.
    I must admit I love her, but for the life of me I do not trust her, and she has never admitted to anything.
    I have tried to cut her off, tell her not to call or contact me, she continues to do so, with nice and kind emails, words and deeds.
    Am I to take these actions as some sort of apology, an attempt to be better to me ?
    Dont know what to do….

    • Ken Kendall says:


      I do believe that there is a possibility for reconciliation for any couple where the two parties have not remarried. That being said, if you have irrefutable proof of an affair and she wont admit to it, apologize and commit to living differently, you are in a situation where you cannot go forward. Loving her does not include pretending or ignoring real problems. Whatever led her to do this, it is not gone if she cannot admit to it. I do believe it is okay and maybe even best for you to wait but you cannot go back into the relationship without dealing with the truth.

      The only suggestion I have for you is to provide her with the evidence you have along with your written declaration of love and willingness to deal openly and honestly with the affair, and your clear direction on the future. That being, you will not see her or communicate with her without dealing with the situation. And that through dealing with it, you will forgive her completely and never use it against her in the future.

      Please let me know what you do and how it goes.

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